It has been awhile since I have written. I have been so consumed with my son’s well-being and dealing with so many changes in my life (most have been positive changes), but I have still allowed this to consume me.
I’m not sure if I would call it a rut, but so many things have been going on in my life that I put my writing on the back burner.
I have so many creative outlets that are at my disposal, but I have chosen not to write for the past six months. In the back of my mind I would say, “I need to blog about this,” and “I really need to start writing again.” Why do we choose to alienate the things that can often assist with our thought processes, especially if those things fulfill us in some way? I am fulfilled whenever I am writing, singing or acting, yet I haven’t been doing any of those things lately.
My last blog post was about how I decided to return the United States since my oldest son was headed to basic training. I don’t regret this decision at all. If I had stayed in Madrid, he wouldn’t have been able to write me as freely and vise versa. The mail in Spain wasn’t as fast or cost effective when it was coming and going from the United States. There is some sort of customs rate or something, and I just decided to not deal with it for the most part while I was living there. With that being said, had I stayed in Madrid, I wouldn’t have been able to see my son before he left for basic training, nor would I have been able to communicate with him as much as I was able to in the United States.
Basic Training Graduation: As I mentioned earlier, I have been consumed with my son’s well-being. We went to his graduation for basic training, and I was so completely proud of him. I could already tell that his maturity level had elevated as I read his many letters while he was in basic. When I saw him marching on the stage during the ceremony, my heart swelled with emotion.
The feeling of being a proud mother coupled with the worry that he could very well deploy within the next couple of years was enough to bring a few tears to my eyes. There has also been the internal struggle of finding space to support my son and his new career choice, while still holding onto my left wing values. This has become much easier as I have sought counsel from several friends who have served and have the same political views as myself.
Graduation and family day was on July 5th and 6th. Che is a Fourth of July baby, but we wouldn’t be able to see him until the following day. We did a road trip to Ft. Leonard Wood and saw the fireworks on post.
Family Day was fun, and he showed us the bowling skills he had acquired during his weekend passes he had earned during his training.
I soon found out that the deployment concern is very valid. As soon as he got to his permanent duty station they informed him that his new unit is deploying to the Middle East. He is leaving very soon, and I have been really struggling with this. My ex-husband was in the Army, and was gone the majority of the time we were married before he retired. I always worried about him, but it is different when it is your child. It is a different worry. Luckily, we have been able to see him a few times before he leaves, and I have faith that everything will be well.
Re-Evaluating Things: There have been a few lifestyle changes in my family that have prompted deep thought. Most of the changes are of a positive nature, but even positive changes can often seem stressful.
One of the biggest changes is my living situation and relationship status.
When my daughter and I came back from Madrid, my ex-husband was a lot calmer than he used to be, and I could tell that there were significant changes. To make a long story short, after a couple of months of being home, he and I decided to go to counseling and work things out. Neither of us have ever re-married, and I have to wonder if there is a reason for this.
My ex-husband and I have been separated for ten years, and divorced for eight years. Before the separation we were married for 13 years. I assume that both of us lived a lot of life in that time apart. I know I have. I have been VERY independent and I am completely happy being single. In fact, this has been a struggle for me. It is hard to learn how to be in a relationship again when I am so used to do virtually EVERYTHING on my own. I can be very stubborn, and I admit this.
My daughter and I are now living in the house, and things have been pretty good for the most part. We have been getting a lot of updates done on the home, and since this was the house that we had before we got divorced, it is nice to have that “cleansing” so to speak.
I have a lot of different things to talk about, and my goal is to go back to posting at least once a week! Our House Hunters International experience, visits to see my son, and our Disney World trip are most likely up next. 🙂