A Mother’s Tough Decision

The Decision: I received a phone call in Madrid from my oldest son Che telling me that he decided to join the United States Army.

My first reaction wasn’t extreme panic since I figured he wouldn’t be leaving until after my return from Madrid in June. Who knows? He might even change his mind between now and then. A couple of weeks later he called me to let me know that he had picked his job (MOS) for the Army and would be leaving for basic training on March 19th. What? That was only a week and half away! A slight panic started to set in as I realized my son was going into the armed forces and I had not even SEEN him for seven months! If I was going to see him, I basically had a week to figure everything out.

Not only had I not seen my son in seven months, but the realization that I might not be able to see him before he departed for basic training left a tightening in the pit of my stomach. I struggled with the thought that perhaps I was selfish for wanting to create some sort of existence for both myself and my daughter that is typically considered outside of the norm. Was my free-spirited nature and prideful independence catching up with me? If I had never moved to Spain, I wouldn’t even be struggling with these thoughts.

I was thinking about every possible way to make this work, and I decided to reach out to a few friends and family members to ask for their advice. Most of them basically stated what I already knew. Although I would be able to see Che graduate basic training, I didn’t know how long I would have with him, or where he would end up being stationed. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t do everything in my power to see him before he departed.

I was scheduled to teach in Madrid until June , and as much as I pride myself on being independent and trying my best to enjoy life, I admittedly hate disappointing people. As I wrote a heart felt email to the administration of my program, I explained the details of Che’s departure.  The BEDA program has been very organized and helpful our entire time in Madrid. After a few emails back and forth, we thought about the possibility of my returning after Spring Break. That way I could finish out the year with the children and finish out the school year. After a couple of sleepless nights, I found out the school where I was teaching said that it wouldn’t be a possibility. I either had to stay or go. That made my decision right there. I had made a valiant effort to accommodate everyone, but I never want to stay someplace where my children won’t take priority. With that being said, my last day at the school was very sad. So many of the children were crying and sad to see me go. I had always thought that I was doing a good job with the children, but this confirmed it. Knowing that I made a positive difference in their lives was an amazing feeling.

The children gave me loads of pictures and notes to take with me!

No Regrets: I’ve been back from Madrid for two weeks now, and although I don’t regret my decision to come back at all, these past two weeks have been a whirlwind. Not only was I able to see my son before his departure to basic training, but I’ve also had to get re-acclimated to America. In a way it feels as if I’ve been gone forever, but then there is also the sense that nothing much has changed.

Finding A Connection: As our children get older and become adults, there is often a sort of disconnect that happens when they are finding out who they are, and who they are striving to become. Che is my oldest son, and he has always had a wonderful spirit. Well, to be perfectly honest, there was a year between the age of 18 and 19 when he had a bit of a disrespectful streak, but he came around. Even though he came around, I found that I wasn’t always clicking with him. Our conversations would become stale and repetitive due to him not really sharing anything going on in his life. “I told you mom, I’m just working, and spending time with friends,” was his basic reply. When a parent can find a connection to open up the lines of communication, that is a glorious thing!

Who knew that “Game of Thrones” would give us that connection? While I was still in Madrid, I finally purchased the entire series via Amazon, and binged seven seasons in the span of two weeks. Yeah, don’t judge. Che and I would text each other and even talk about it verbally via WhatsApp during those two weeks! He was already caught up with the show, and was among the several people that kept telling me how much I would love watching it.

During one of our conversations, Che asked me what I thought about Jon Snow. I told him that I thought he was a great character with a good spirit. I said,”He actually reminds me a little of you.” Che replied, “I knew you were going to say that!” We both laughed. When Scarlett and I were souvenir shopping in Madrid, I spotted a dagger sized replica of the wolf sword that the character Jon Snow uses in the show. This was the perfect gift for Che.

There is a quote from the the fifth season that gave me chills when I heard it. As Jon Snow is getting ready for a huge battle, Maester Aemon says, “Kill the boy, Jon Snow. Winter is almost upon us. Kill the boy and let the man be born.” You better believe that when I presented my son with his gift, I chose to quote this, but changed Jon Snow to his name and left out “winter is almost upon us.” As I said it, we were aware that as cheesy at it may seem to some, it did mean something. He would soon be changing his life path. When I see him again at his graduation from basic training, he won’t be a boy any longer.

After Che took his oath of enlistment the day he left.

I’m so grateful that I had the opportunity to teach in Europe, and even more grateful that I was able to have some much needed quality time with my first born son.

Video of Che taking his oath of enlistment. Yes, I asked the MEPS personnel if it was okay to post this video before posting. Che loved the fact that he was going into basic with his long hair. 🙂